The Old Rock

   It was one of those nights when men dare not leave the fireside, and even spirits fear to roam abroad. A raging tempest piled the snow in high drifts, and no light could dispel the impenetrable gloom. At the darkest and stormiest hour, the Chief of Goblins flew from his haunt in the Tower and alighted upon the Old Rock. Tapping it gently with his wand the sprite said.
   "Pernitascot is here. He never forgets his promise to come at a certain time in each year to hear your complaint. Far more constant is he than spring or woman."
   Then the Rock answered him saying: "I have no grievance, good King, but it is pleasing to speak with you after a year of silence. and I shall tell you the story of my life. In the beginning I was a mass of molten elements hidden far deep in the body of Mother Earth. Great convulsions shook the universe, mountains were reared above the plain deep valleys carved in the level surface. and through a crater of the Northland I was hurled into this existence. This was long before the time of man--centuries scarcely are to me what seconds are to him. I was much larger then, but ice, wind, frost, and sands have filed away my form till this is all that is left of me.
   Arctic winds congealed me and I was permitted to rest in quiet for many ages. Then the great ice floe of the north bore down upon this continent and confined me within its cold, cramped prison. Slowly, but ever onward it moved. Century after century passed, and it seemed the whole cycle of time would be complete before I could be released. Finally, the warm wind swept up front the south, and attacking the ice, compelled it to retreat. At last I was at the skirmish line, and the mighty conquerer released me from the bondage I had endured so long. There he left me, at a dreary place which men afterward called Hartington. It was there that these queer markings were put upon my face. There is upon me still the trace of a foot planted there ages and ages ago. It was at Hartington I knew the Mound Builder and the Indian. There I saw the former pass away and the latter driven from my sight. For many years I mourned their departure when you, good King, found me, and your kind ear listened to

my complaint against such a stolid existence. Then you invaded the class of 1892 and prevailed. Then I was brought here, though Iowa tried several times to buy me. Professor Barbour has often apologized to me for his efforts in behalf of the Hawkeyes.
   "I love war, and the contending classes of the University have all fought over me.
   The challenger stepped upon me to defy his enemies, and many a human skull has been found softer than my granite frame. I have been spattered with the best blood of generations, but the days of peace have come. Now I must content myself with watching the more sickening sights of bench work. The mighty contests of strength have given way to the quibbles of infatuation (by men called love). From my place I can see the by-products of Engberg's machine take a last leave of the Campus. Man has an easy lot but can not understand himself, let alone his surroundings.
   "I shall be here when these buildings have weathered away. I, too, am gradually disappearing, but we shall meet many times in the years to come. Let me not detain you longer, good King, lest the chilly blast give you a cold. Good-bye."
   Without a word Pernitascot tapped the Rock with his wand again and straightway flew back to the Tower.

   A straw vote, held to determine who is the school's most noted undergraduate character, resulted in an elongated personage, harking to the nom de plume of "Beany," polling a vote that makes Mr. T. Roosevelt's preferential primary effort look poor.
   Nobody knows where "Beany" came from, but everybody knew when he arrived, and everybody has been aware of his constant presence ever since. One of his first notable efforts after his arrival was to assist the Salvation Army in saving souls down at the corner of Twelfth and 0 streets. His delicate and refined little quips and jokes, his delightful penchant for making merry with weighty and solemn subjects soon attracted him fame and endeared him to the student body.
   But the thing that forever established "Beany's" supremacy as the school's premier product occurred at a track meet at Des Moines. While the remainder of the N. U. athletes were reposing on their cots, having retired per instructions of the coach promptly at nine p.m., "Beany" was out training on Manhattan cocktails, mint freezes, Pilsener and other gladsome concoctions. Our hero demonstrated his admirable endurance by poising his foot on the little round rails in front of sundry bars longer than any other member of the party. Then, having duly witnessed the rising of the sun, he reported to the frantic and wild-eyed coach. That afternoon "Beany" hung up a bunch of new records in the meet.
   Despite the laurels he has gained, "Beany" is not resting on his oars, to speak figuratively. Scarce a day passes but that he performs some naive and original feat. His daily entry into the law classes is looked forward to with much anticipation by students and professors alike, who refer to him affectionately as "Our Beany." Many attempts have been made by the engineers and the medics to steal or otherwise purloin the "pride of the laws," but thus far all these malicious efforts have failed.

   Enter Professor Tuckerman--
   "We will now have roll call."
   "In the absence of the secretary, I will call the roll."
   "Tuckerman?"
   "Here."
   "We will now have the reading of the minutes of the last meeting."
   "Regular meeting Meptober 42nd 19.03. Meeting called to order by

Chairman Tuckerman. Roll call--minutes of last meeting read and approved. Moved, seconded, and carried by Tuckerman that hereafter all money turned over by dance committees be appropriated to buy new pipes for deserving Profs. Moved, seconded, and carried by Tuckerman that there was something crooked about the Jophman hop. Moved, seconded, and carried that the matter ought to be investigated by Tuckerman. Adjourned."
   "If there are no corrections the minutes stand approved as read."
   "I will read the following communication received by me from the chairman of the Cornhusker banquet. Dear sir--Enclosed find check in full of all debts incurred by the committee, Signed. D. V. Mr. Chairman. You have the floor, Mr. Tuckerman. I move you that it be the sentiment of this august body that this is hard luck. Carried."
   "I move you we adjourn--where is my pipe?"

Stageland

"The Tie That Binds" -- The Delinquency Committee.
"The Debtors " -- Delta Upsilon.
"Flirting Princess" -- Eula Rates.
"Just a Wife" -- Caroline Hanzlik-Shonka.
"Clothes" -- Sam McCandless.
"The Gamblers" -- Sig Alph.
"The Test" -- Sorority Rushing Season.
"M'lle Mischief" -- Mayme Anderson.
"Idols" -- Co-eds.
"Such a Little Queen" -- Imo Hunington.
"The Sham" -- Beta Theta Pi.
"The Whirlwind" -- Semester Exams.