From the Devil's door
     Richard turned away.
Then clasping his hands
      as if to pray,
he thought:

              "Before
   it gets too late,
        I'd better
try the Pearly Gate."




Saint Peter met him
         at that portal,
and asked:
  "What did you, as a mortal,
do on earth which pleased you so
     that you now come here, and not below?"

"I tried there," said Richard,
    "I bragged of my sin.
but that darned old Devil
                won't let me in.
  He slammed his door
     right in my face,
        and told me to go to--
      ho-uh-h-some other place.

"So here I am,
     though with all my sin,
I suppose I haven't
        a chance to get in."

"Your sins won't forbid you,"
   said St. Pete,
          "Nor give you much pause,
if you can qualify to sign
       the full repentance clause.

"The question, dear Richard,
     is: What did you do,
when friend, foe and countryman
      sinned against you?"

"Poor Richard was speechless,
     He tilted his head.
"I can't really remember,"
       he finally said.

"No matter," said Peter.
     "We'll just have a look,"
as he flipped through the "N's"
    in his big ledger book.

"Here we are---. Now my friend,
   tell me, what did you do
when some you had trusted
   first sabotaged you?
When they botched up the
   plumbing, and Watergate leaked.
Did they do that on purpose
    to get you impeached?

"Did they hope, then,
    that one of their own
       would replace you?

You wondered such things.
     But what did you do?

"You still can't remember?
    Then, here---have a peek."

"Oh, that's right," said Richard.
     "I turned the other cheek."

"And what--" asked St. Pete,
    was your act in response
to that Buckley boy's pitch
     for the vote in the Bronx?
And Jake Javits' effort
    to give you a tweak--?"

"Oh, those--" Richard shrugged,
     "I just turned the other cheek."

"That was nice, said St. Pete.

"That was easy," said Dick.
     "I wasn't much
        bugged by
           their cheap,
                 childish tricks."

"Well, then Richard,
    when Richardson,
       (Eliot, that is)
was told to get rid of
        that crony of his,
and raised such a stink
         with you out of town,
for no other purpose
       than putting you down,
And he did it on Saturday!
        --Wouldn't wait 'til next week--"

"'Twas'nt easy." said Dick.
     "But I turned the other cheek."

"Very good," said St. Peter,
      still holding the page.
  "But what then of this time--?
       you flew into rage
              over trivial things,
                   compared to some others,
      You called men bad names,
              insulting their mothers.
   You snapped at the newsmen,
      you snarled at the Press,
         and hinted that traitors
                were causing the mess!"
"So I did," Dick confessed,
     "But your mercy I seek.
Just count 'em, St. Peter,
     I'd run out of cheeks."

"St. Peter smiled a little bit,
      "I must admit," he said,
 "you'd little choice
      but slapping back
            when all your cheeks
                    were red."

"Is that all, then?
                 May I enter?"
asked Poor Richard, hopes aglow.
"Well, not quite," said Pete,
      "There are some further
           things that We must know,
So have a seat, and while awaiting
     you can munch this
              bunch of grapes.

Before I dare
    to let you in
          I've got to check
                   my tapes."