Now once again
          Poor Richard
  found himself outside, alone.
He worried if his restless Soul
      would ever find a home.

Reflecting on his journeys,
  he glanced back down the path.
And he wondered if
    the grapes he held
       were of Bliss
           or were of Wrath.

Then Pete returned,
    unlatched the gate
         and bid him come inside.

Eagerly Dick entered,
  eyes a-sparkle, open wide,
But once inside he saw before him
      naught but empty space.

"Is this Heaven?"
   he asked Saint Peter
        with a frown upon his face.

"No, not Heaven,
          just the Courtroom,"
  the gentle saint replied,
"where judgement
    will be rendered
       if you may come inside.

"The Judge will be here shortly,
    and witnesses galore.
Soon, perhaps,
     your Soul will know
        how it's destined
               evermore."

The Judge came in
           so quietly
    that Richard hardly knew it,
But when the witnesses arrived
     he doggone nearly blew it!



They rushed in by the thousands
    (even though in single file).
None said a word, nor gave a hint
     by either frown or smile,
of what they'd likely have to say
    when sworn and on the stand.
But Dick recognized
     enough of them
       to feel sure he'd be banned.

There was Cronkite,
    Smith, and Reasoner;
        Chancellor and Severeid.
"Good Lord,"
    Dick muttered to himself,
  "they want my Soul,
        as well as my hide.

Washington Post, N'york Times
       and Newsweek
  must have each
    sent its entire crew.

"I don't see how," Dick mumbled,
   "they can hit me
       with anything new."

In rushed the crowd
      from 'Common Cause',
  and the gang
      called 'Nader's Raiders'.

Plus a host
   of other,
     self-appointed
        'Public Interest'
             crusaders.

There was a myriad frantic faces
  of riff-raff
           from Lafayette Square.
And many a clerical collar
   'round a sweating neck was there.

In sidled John Dean,
   with a furtive flick of
      his eyes as if
        seeking to hide.
 Still clutching his robe,
    Judge Strica,
    acting as though he
        thought he should preside.

The Welfare 'Mother of Mothers'
    bustled in with her
          poor bastard brood;
  still reeking a bit
        from beer she had bought
  with tax monies
      meant for their food.

The Senate was much represented,
   and the Lower House, as well.
And more disgruntled bureaucrats
   than anyone could tell.

The Impeachment Committee
       -minus a few-
   was led in
        by Chairman Rodino.
George Meany
   behind them
     still kept them in line
        like shills
              in a gambling casino.

On and on and on, they came.
        His enemies infinitum.
  Of one thing Dick felt certain
      once again
          he'd have
                to fight 'em.

He couldn't help
         but to groan a bit.

St. Pete asked,
       "What's the matter?"

"I think you're serving me,"
               said Dick,
   "to those cannibals
      on a platter."


"Not so!" said St. Pete.
     "We judge men here
          by their purposes
              more than their acts.
     We need witnesses.
         You'd surely agree.
               But all we want is facts.

"Facts---?" Richard cried,
   "from that newsman bunch?
Not a chance.
    Your own records
         must show it.
If you're looking for Truth
    I've more than a hunch,
       if they saw it
            those guys wouldn't
                 know it!"

"You're wrong about that"
         replied St. Pete.
  "Be assured our records
      on them are complete.
   In digging for dirt,
      they uncovered much fact.
despite some folk's
      efforts to thwart it.

So they knew much Truth
  though they oft didn't use it,
     and sometimes were
         prone to distort it.

"Liars, Truth-twisters,
     the muckraking press---.
We've got them all here.
  But at our front desk
    they left the credentials
      they'd misused below
        to put varnish on friend
          and tarnish on foe.

"We've gathered them all,
    We haven't missed a one.
        And they'll all be called to testify
          before this Court is done."

"And you call this Heaven?"
        Richard cried.
  "Why that's the gang that crucified
    myself and all others
       who stood in their way
as they tried to run our Country,
   More to ruin it I'd say."

"It was their delight
      to smear me back then.
I'm sure they'll think it 'heavenly'
     to do so once again."

"We well know," said St. Pete
       "in your Country's regard,
you felt those guys
     were out to destroy it.
So seeing them here
      near to Heaven, is hard.
But what makes you so sure
       they'll enjoy it?

"No lies are allowed here,
       Only the Truth--.
 and no twisting or turning of that.
And that can be rough
          on those who have ruth-
lessly lied at the drop of a hat.

"One man's wine
       is another man's swill.
 (Remember that ages-old song?)
The greatest torment
        that a Soul can know
 is to be where
       it doesn't belong."

The Judge brought the
      Court to attention
with naught but a nod of His Head.
   With a flick of His Eyes
    that covered them all,
  to the witnesses He said:

"You see before you, here,
  a Soul whose works
    you all have known.
  Come forward, any who
     can tell me of sins by him
           greater than your own."


In response,
  there sounded in the room
    a myriad shuffling feet.
  But none stood up.
    Nor was there a one
      not squirming in his seat.

Then after a while,
     (suppressing a smile)
  The Judge said:
      "Can anyone tell

me a reason why
    I shouldn't just say
       to this Pilgrim
          'You go to Hell?'"

As one--the entire crowd jumped up,
   knocking chairs and
      each other about.
 Waving their arms,
   calling out their own names,
     each trying to out-shout
  the others, in an effort first
    to get the Judge's attention.
As though whatever hisself had to say
   was the thing
       most worthy of mention.

Poor Dick was dumbfounded
      for a moment or so.
And then he bit down on a knuckle.
   And bit it real hard;
     but even so, he couldn't
        suppress a low chuckle.

Saint Peter was shocked!
   "Stop that, Richard!"
        he said,
"Get hold of yourself.
    Are you out of your head?"

Said Dick, "I just
      couldn't help it, St. Pete.
Right now when that mob
  all jumped to their feet,
it was like my press conference
  in the White House
     when they all were so anxious
   to prove me a louse.
They'd jump up and shout
  to get my attention.
    But what they'd say after,
        we won't even mention."

"But listen--," said Pete,
   "and note what now is said.
They're shouting out
   all of your virtues, instead.

"They're telling The Judge
    that you ended one war,
and maybe avoided
        another, or more.
They say that you tried to save
    tax payer's money by ending some
    spending on 'free' milk and honey."

Dick listened, and said:
   "This is hard to believe.
They're giving me credit
   far more than I've earned."

Said Pete, "That's the way
      of those prone to deceive.
They change their tunes quickly
    when tables are turned.

"If you want really to know
   what their shoutings about,
     it has nothing to do
        with your sin.
But as they once raised a fuss
  aimed at forcing you out,
      they now clamor
          to get themselves in."

That turnabout scene
   had Richard plumb floored.
      The racket kept up
          'til the Judge became bored.

With a flick of His Hand
     He sent them away;
bidding only St. Pete
      and our Richard to stay.

So it seemed now that
  Richard faced judgement alone.
     The witnesses all
        had just vanished.
He felt strangely calm
       although he had qualms
that he, too, would
       shortly be banished.

Then he heard The Judge say:

"Now Richard, my son,
   I'd like your description
      of just what went on."

Without tremor or tremble,
   then, Richard stepped near;
surprised that he felt
    neither shyness nor fear,
And he heard himself saying:

"My Lord--
    I want first to make
  one thing perfectly clear--
I know I've committed much Sin.
   I've said and I've done things
      Your Book says are wrong,
But I knew that I had to, to win--"

"Just a moment!"
    The Judge interrupted.
"Are you trying
    to justify sin?"

"Not at all,"
    Richard said, undisrupted.
   "But my dear Lord,
     in order to win
        the Presidency of
              my Country those days,
one has to play by the rules
   of wheeling and dealing and dirty tricks,
And treating the voters as fools.

"One makes a deal
        or breaks a deal.
   Whichever will get him ahead.
Overcomes a bribe
       with a bigger bribe.
Meets defiance
      with greater defiances.
Friends are only something to use.
    Or, as Bobby Kennedy said:
'There are no friendships in Politics.;
     only temporary alliances!'

"So I did unto others
       as they did to me.
   Who does it the better will win.
They got mad!
    I had beaten them
          at their own game.
We're all guilty of
         Political Sin."

"Now hold it right there!"
   The Judge sternly warned.
"I want to make perfectly clear,
   the excuse that others
       were as bad as yourself
won't do any good up here.

"But something else
   that you mention
  bothers me more--

"Saint Peter,
    drag over your chair.
  Take a look in Our Book
       and tell me, good saint--
What kinds of sin show We there?"

"We've but two: just
Venial and Mortal," said Pete.

Said The Judge:
  "Make sure that your
    mem'ry's complete.
If we've no mention
   there of 'Political Sin',
we may have here
    a new situation."

"We've but 'Venial' and 'Mortal'
    I'm sure," said the Saint.
  "Maybe this one's
     some kind of mutation."

"We shall see," said The Judge,
          "Richard, you may go on.
Perhaps you'll esplain
                 to us why
you call what you've
   done 'Political Sin'---
Said Richard,
      "My Lord, I will try--."


"I'm sure You Both
          are quite aware
  there was a time
        in my native Land,
when Politicians were
        also Statesmen.
They were honorable.
       Their works were grand.

"Most today are perhaps
        as honorable
as the voters by whom
         they are sent.
But what kind of honor---?
  When the test is to get
       of the Federal tax monies spent,
all that he can for
      his backers back home,
with a big, hearty cut
             for himself,
then the kind of honor
      my Country first knew
has been shoved
          'way back on a shelf.

"We once were a Nation
      of People with pride

that we each took care
         of our own.
That's what 'Liberty'
       meant to Americans,
before the White House
        became a throne..."

"A throne..." St. Pete snickered.
   "Old George will like that...

The Judge silenced Pete
     with a rather sharp pat.
"Which george are you
      snorting about,
             my good Saint?
You can't mean the one
     with the hatchet..."

"Oh, no!" said St. Pete,
     "not our 'cherry tree' George,
 but the one with the crown--
    --and the accent.
With his 'Pip-pip, old boy',
    and his, 'By Jove, y'know,
those bloody dam' yanks,
      really gave us a go-!"

"He still does lament
   what they did to his throne.
He'll be tickled to learn
   that they now have their own."

"Very funny--" said The Judge,
       but totally irrelevant.
In more ways than mem'ry--
   you remind me of an elephant."

"I'm sorry," said Pete,
     "It struck me funny, that's all."

"Keep laughing," said The Judge
   "when I replace you with Paul."

"Now, Richard-- excuse us,
    and please do go on.
After your White House
     was changed to a throne----?"

"Then we changed," said Dick,
    "from a People self-reliant,
and filled with true self-respect.

"We all looked to 'Government';
      to our 'rich' Uncle Sam.
and our constitutions
       were wrecked.

"First, the promise
       of lifelong security;
  'Federal' money
       for 'this' and for 'that'.
Soon people clamored
      for more such 'free' stuff,
Politicians who promised it
           got fat!

"'Twas so easy to leave
         to the 'Government'
responsibilities we'd once
             each assumed.
Then Congress passed more power
        to the Presidency
and our Freedoms
            were, many of them doomed."

"Why so?" asked St. Pete,
"Was there no man among you
       who could rule
             and to all
                  still be fair?"

"It takes more than fairness."
         said Richard.
  "I think surely
           you are aware
that there is no earthly mortal,
  so good, so wise, and so strong,
     as to do all things
       for everyone,
and still not once be wrong."

"Well,then, how---"
        asked St. Pete,
"were all those things done
      which you say
        people wanted for 'free'?
There'd have to be someone
    to do, and to pay...."

Said Dick,
    "That's the trouble, you see--
Control of those
      far-paid, 'free' programs,
to take care of
     'this's' and 'that's';
plus the money and power
   to run them,
       was handed to bureaucrats.

"Thus we changed
   from a Nation of People
       with great pride
            in our self-reliance,
The few who still thought
   men should do for themselves
       were out-voted
              by mob defiance.

"When I became the President,
  I vowed to try to begin
     to change thing's back
         so men might feel
they could be
      thier own masters again."

"A Very Noble Aim,"
                said The Judge,
   "with which I can see no wrong.
But if your Presidency
         is so powerful;
I must ask,
         'What took you so long?"

"For the first four years
      I was hamstrung." said Dick,

"because debts were being collected
on the many deals
     I'd had to make just
          to get myself elected."

"Is that what you meant
     before," asked The Judge
          "when you spoke
               of 'Political Sin'?"

"Yes it is," said Dick,
       "in part, that is...."

"I see," said The Judge,
"Well, then,
   you felt you had
      to do wrong to get the chance
         to do right.
That's really one
     helluva predicament.

"St. Peter, make sure
     you've some candles tonight.
You may have to write
       another testament.


"Now Richard, proceed--
    when you're debts
       were all paid,
or you'd figured a way
     out of paying them,
did you actually try
    to do those good things?
Or did you nothing but
     keep on just saying them?"

"I started," said Dick, "in '73.
  The Welfare State must go!
    'Community Action,'
      the giveaway frauds,
           especially O.E.O.
"All hell broke loose!
     The bureaucrats raged!
 I was threatening
        their estate!

"And the Truth is,
     that's what
          the fight was about.

  They just called it
     "Watergate!"

"There I'll rest my case,"
           said Richard,
   "and still pray that
         You'll let me come in.
For I long to escape
     from the lust and strife
of my own,
     and my Countrymen's
              Political Sin.

"Yet one last effort
      I'd like to make
for the Land
       I've loved so well.

I want to petition--
      to beg of You, Lord!

Please--
             save my Country
                        from Hell!"