Transcriber: stan@wiclarkcountyhistory.org
Surnames: Horvat
----Source: Greenwood Gleaner (Greenwood, Clark Co., Wis.) 21 Nov 1963
Issued in solemn warning this day, Nov 1963, to the friends, relatives and acquaintances of one Wm. Horvat.
Very soon the above mention will once again be in your midst, dehydrated, demoralized, to take his place once again as a human being with freedom and justice for all, engaged in life, liberty and somewhat belated pursuit of happiness. For making joyous preparations to welcome him back to society, you must remember, he may be a little European, suffering from "Germaritis" and must be handled with extreme care.
Show no alarm if he prefers to wear Lederhosen (short leather pants) and carry a briefcase full of wurst (meat), Bier (beer), and black bread.
Refuse to humble him when he rides his bicycle down the middle of the street, having many people yelling at him to get out of their way. He may just shrug his shoulders and give them and answer of "Mox Nix" (oh what the hell.).
Be tolerant when he takes the cushions off the sofa and prefers to sleep on the floor. Don't let it shock you if, when answering the telephone, he says "Grues Gott" instead of hello and "Alf Wiedershen" instead of good bye.
In his first week at home, be sure to leave the telephone receiver off the hook between dusk and dawn. If it would happen to ring he might stagger out of bed, shocking the neighbors with his violet profanity, while fumbling to the closet looking for his half-filled fifth of coniac, and then charging out of the house into the lawn with a laudry bag stuffed with food, shouting "Alert Alert," throwing his bag of paraphernalia into the passing mile truck. He might well disappear into the woods for the next three days.
He has traveled far and wide on many trips, and to the wilds of Germany, Bavaria and Europe. These trips may have been only on maneuvers or alerts, but he has traveled.
When introducing him to a young lady, do not be at all surprised if he should, while shaking her hand like a pump handle, gently tap her on the posterior portion of her anatomy and bellow, "We Geht's Schatzi" (Hi-ya babe).
Never ask him why the boy down the street was able to make a higher rank than him, as this is liable to throw him into a violent fit, he will got utterly insane if the word re-enlistment is mentioned in his presence, but above all, never ask him why the neighbor's son was stationed in the states for a tour of three years, as this may lead to the most violent of events, possibly even murder. Also never ask him where he has been for the past three years.
Send no more mail in care of APO 36, lock all the girls in their rooms, get the kids off the street, fill the refrigerator with good cold American beer, and get the civies out of the mothballs - HE'S ON HIS WAY HOME.
Your son,
William Horvat
