"Oh, Gladys, are you trying to get a school hat. Come help me look for one.
   I just want a plain' simple little thing about ten dollars, please. Isn't she a sweetfaced clerk, though?
   ...'I am simply exhausted. I have been to five stores, looking for hats, and I can't find one! You know Harold can't bear these new suffragette styles, so I can't have one of them. Though, of course, I don't dress to please the men.
   "Oh, no, I don't want red; or green; or brown; or tan; or black; or white. So none of those will do. Aren't these clerks stupid though, I explained clearly to her what I wanted.
   "Dr. Bessey made me real mad last fall. I had just gotten a new hat. It was too sweet for anything. Black, you know, with a red bias twist around the crown and trimmed with an uncurled red ostrich plume. And what do you think that man had the nerve to ask me to do in class? To take off my hat. I never was so sore in my life.
   "Oh not that black thing! That looks just like Miriam Clark's derby hat. I wouldn't have one for anything. Let 's see that green one. It looks like

Willa Spier's. Do you suppose she only paid five dollars for her's? "Haven't you got a natural colored straw trimmed with black velvet? Geraldine Grey got one here and it was awfully cute, though I must say I don't care much for those gray pumps and silk stockings of her's.
   "You haven't another? How provoking! Well, what have you?--Nothing but what I've seen? That's just the way everywhere, Gladys. I don't see why either. I 'in not hard to suit at all."

Tuesday, January 23, 1912.
To the Editor:
   Your numerous postals regarding not having had picture taken at hand and noted. Beg to state that Mr. Townsend had instructions last December to use my negative taken last year for the CORNHUSKER. As to why he should report no picture on hand at all I do not know. Please take the matter up with him.
   Further, when you are thru with the cut made for the year book. kindly have the printer return same to the undersigned.
Respectfully,
1625 So. 23d. H. C. SLATER.

   Shirley Fossler (commenting at the dinner-table upon the total depravity of things, both animate and inanimate) --"I'm going to get out a book on 'Damphools I Have Met.'"
   Freshman (possessed of more valor than discretion)--"Here's hoping that you are successful with your autobiography."
   (Loud calls for the bumping committee.)

   Luckey (after Williams handed his notebook back across the aisle)--The a-a-a-assigsigment (assignment)
   Maxey--It is apparent, Mr. Luckey, that the ambulatory habit of your notebook has somewhat corrupted your vocabulary.

Dramatis Personae:
   Ed Gallager, a Beta.
   Birmingham--Also a small boy with a big name, another Beta.
Time:
   Most any day.
Place:
   The cigarette gate, U. of N.
   Ed--I've just found a Freshman-peach of a kid.
   Birmy--Is he any good!
   Ed--He wears a white collar--and a sorority friend of mine says he's a grand dancer.
   Birmy--Are you sure we want him?

   Ed--We have a big house.
   Birmy--Do you think he will develop into a strong man?
   Ed--Our house rent is a hundred dollars a month.
   Birmy--Well, we've pledged twenty-two men already this year.
   Ed--Yes, but half of them will get kicked out before we can initiate them.
   Birmy--Let's run'em thru on the quiet like we did Dunn.
   Ed--I'm afraid the Faculty will get next to us if we run'em all thru, and we couldn't play any favorites. We'd better pledge this man while we've got a chance.
   Birmy--All right; you know I always carry a pledge button with me just for occasions of this kind. Let 's go find him.
   Exit to find the Freshman.

"Far From the Maddening Crowd"--Pi Phi Veranda.
"Vanity Fair"--Ruth Tibbetts.
"Port of Missing Men"--Alpha Phi House.
"The Barrier"--Sorority Chaperone.
"The Firing Line"--Teu Thirty P.M.
"A Group of Noble Dames"--Kappa Alpha Theta.
"The House of Mirth"--Library.
"The Melting Pot"--Delinquency Committee.
"By Right of Conquest"--Delta Gamma.
"Memories of the Past"--Beta Theta Pi.